"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in
its net of wonder forever."—Jacques Cousteau

January 16, 2015

Jan. 16 - Signs You Live on a Boat

Sombrero Resort & Marina
Last year I shared a blog entry titled You Might Be a Cruiser If…, so I thought everyone would enjoy a few more laughs. This year’s entry is: Signs you live on a boat…

…Sleeping in a house makes you feel claustrophobic because there isn’t a hatch overhead to look at the stars.
…You know smaller is actually sometimes better.
…You and your spouse define “taking a break” as moving about six feet apart and looking in opposite directions.
…You avoid telling people you live on a boat just so you don’t have to explain to them how you shower…again.
…You think butter only comes soft
…When invited to dinner at someone’s house you ask if you can have a shower.
…When invited to dinner at someone’s house you ask if you can do your laundry.
…The doctor assumes your body covered in random bruises is a sign of physical abuse.
…You are the only one who doesn’t want to win the big screen TV at the charity raffle.
…Kids think you’re the coolest person on earth.
…When you don’t like the neighborhood you just untie and move.
…You are content knowing that sailing is code for boat repair in exotic places.
…You can assemble a gourmet dinner using only one pot and a Spork.
…You truly don’t want anything for Christmas that doesn’t come in PDF form or install on a Kindle.
…You only get seasick on land.
…You define a good anchorage as one where you can get WiFi.
…A fifteen minute job always takes and hour and a half since you have to pull everything out of all the storage lockers to find the right part, then the right tool, then put it all back.
…Your wallet contains more boat cards than business cards
…You know what a boat card is.
…You define an easy chore as one where you only had to pull out 3 tool bags.
…Removing things from the refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
…You gave up high heels for flipflops
…You walk in the rain all the way back to your boat, carrying a backpack, a load of laundry, groceries destined to fall out of their bag at any second…all while thinking how lucky you are.
…Filling the water tanks is a full day’s work.
…The only thing you do religiously on Sundays is wonder what day it is.
…The first thing you do after setting the hook is check to see who you know in the anchorage.
…Cutting the grass means diving over the side.
…You think the roof leaking a little is no big deal.
…You wonder why it’s always low tide when taking stuff on or off the boat.
…You understand and pay attention to the entire weather forecast.
…Every time you consider buying something the main consideration is what you’ll have to get rid of to make room for it.
…When visiting ashore you catch yourself pumping the handle on the toilet.
…You consider a three minute shower luxurious.
…You now consider a freezer the ultimate luxury.
…You’ve sincerely wondered if there are any companies that make triangular bed sheets.
…When trying to register a new bank account or anything to do with government, their computer won’t accept the fact that you don’t have a residential address.
…You realize previously silly Jimmy Buffet songs have started to carry a deep philosophical significance.
…You visit a friend’s house and worry that everything on the shelves will come crashing down when the boat heels.
…Your first iPhone app was the Weather Channel.
…Your second was Tides app.
…You’ve spent mornings standing in your underwear on the deck of someone else’s boat, adjusting halyards, lashing lines & freezing your ass off.
…Your reply to, what's your ETA is..."When I get there."
…ALL your sexual fantasies involve a bathtub
…You know what a treat it is to go ashore for ice cream!
…You have a clue what any of this means.
…You have given up trying to defend your lifestyle and are content with smugly thinking...they don’t have a clue what they are missing.

3 comments:

  1. Some things have to be experienced to be understood.

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  2. When your next best friend is only an anchorage away

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely! That's one of the best parts.

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