I found an article on another blog and thought I would
share it. I know we have friends that think they might like to buy a boat and
cruise off to exotic ports or maybe just do what we're doing and explore the
coastlines of the United States. This article will let you know how life might be before you purchase that boat. If you're already spending your life
cruising around on a boat, you'll have a laugh at how true some of these things
are. The scenarios are more accurate if you plan to live on a sailboat and
travel to far off destinations, rather than our life on The Pearl, but it gives you an idea of what to expect. We
actually live in luxury compared to some sailboats, but living on a boat can be
a challenge and everyday activities and comforts we take for granted on land
become luxuries when you’re on a boat. The daily activities we do quickly at
home can take all day on a boat. Life on a boat isn’t just glamorous locations
and happy hours.
Thank you Mark Roope for letting me use your article. You
can follow his blog and travels at Cygnus III.
Practical live aboard
boat tests
Accommodation:
Move everything out of your living room. I know it is bigger
than a boat but we have to break you in slowly. You can bring the fridge back
provided you lay it down face up and put everything you will need first right
at the bottom under everything else.
Sleeping:
You are allowed a small mattress provided it is no thicker
or comfortable than a slice of burnt toast. Spray it liberally with water to
simulate condensation. Fire elastic bands repeatedly at any exposed skin to
simulate a mosquito attack. Do not go back to sleep until you find the
offending elastic band. Men should put their prized golf clubs on view in the
front yard; this will simulate your anchor. It will guarantee that you are
awake all night keeping watch. Set the alarm for 3am to simulate another boat
coming in and anchoring on top of you. To make it more realistic go outside
into the street wearing only a head torch, wave your arms around and point. It
won’t make any difference but it looks good. This can also be done naked to
prevent too much conversation.
Water:
Water is your most precious commodity on a boat. If it comes
to a choice between your wife or water, I am afraid she will have to go,
especially if like most women she likes to wash. If she is prepared to clean
herself in seawater or the condensation from the windows this may be
acceptable. If for some strange reason she needs to wash her underwear rather
than wear them for a month, then wait for rain.
Cooking:
All meals are to be cooked on a camping gas stove but turn
it off half way through the meal to simulate running out of gas. Break out a
tin of cold baked beans. You may eat the neighbor’s prized “Coy Carp” provided
you can catch it.
Communications:
You are allowed a computer provided you use it on battery
only and can pick up a dodgy Internet connection from the pub a mile down the
road. Curse anyone who sends you a link to a “Youtube video” or an image that
is bigger than a postage stamp. If you have mobile phones, turn them off,
because they aren’t going to work anyway and the cost will be astronomical.
Provisions:
Provisions are limited to what you can carry or drag back
from a petrol station 2 miles away. This includes a cylinder of gas. All
purchases have to be made by sign language to simulate your total inability to
speak the local language. Let 20 people go in front of you to mimic those
locals who will push in front of you or have just popped in for a chat. Check
all produce for anything that can crawl, jump or eat you such as cockroaches
and rats.
Toilets:
Every time you use the toilet throw at least two rolls of
toilet paper down afterwards and push them in with a plunger. You might as well
get used to dismantling a toilet now, as you will be doing it in the future…a
lot.
Maintenance:
Take the car engine out and put it in the smallest cupboard
in the house. It has to only just fit and the oil filter and water pump has to
be impossible to get at. Change both at regular intervals and learn to curse
loudly. Have a first aid kit handy.
Socializing:
The liveaboard has got to learn how to socialize. Go to a
complete stranger’s house and invite them back to your house for drinks. You
will either become instant lifelong friends or they will bore you to death and
drink your year’s supply of alcohol. In either case once they have gone you’ll never
see them again.
Power:
Use one light at once and only when absolutely necessary.
Pretend your room thermostat is your battery monitor and casually glance at it
every 10 minutes. Occasionally get the neighbor to run his mower outside your
window for a couple of hours to simulate a generator. At these times you can
use two lights but still continually check the thermostat.
Amusement:
Take deck chairs and a bottle of wine down to the local car park. Watch all the cars parking and comment how differently you would have done it. Tut or snigger when they cannot park the first time. If there is only one vehicle in the car park, watch out for the French. You can tell them as they will come in at 40mph not knowing where the handbrake is and get out before the vehicle has stopped. They will also park within 2mm of the other car.
